I silently listen as the soft wind lightly shudders my sliding windows, passing through them, blowing through my hair and whispering comfort to me. I look up a little, stretching my neck to get a view of myself in the mirror. What do you do on an uneventful, unsuspecting Sunday afternoon when you look in the mirror and see yourself? That's right - there's not much left to do other than acknowledge how different you look now from years ago. To notice the change.
And then you consequently reflect on life.
It's easy to chase your heart's truest desires when you're incapable of feeling any fear.
I stare into nothingness as I try to look back on a couple of things. Like those days when I did nothing but count the broken beats of my heart. Or those times when I wondered why I still never gave up on trying to measure how much tears I'd shed, even when I knew they were immeasurable.
You recall that very moment when you seemingly fell into an endless pit, an abyss. Your bones and flesh ached as you fell, your heart extremely fearing the long plummet down the void, your soul tormented as you wait to hit the bottom, expecting a bone-shattering impact. But it never came. You were just stuck in falling. You were stuck in the nothingness of that dismal hole you'd fallen into. It wasn't just bleak anymore, it was pitch-black all around, you almost believed for a moment that you had actually died.
My mind's racing for other anxious thoughts, keeping me troubled. I'm like a cat on a hot tin roof. But all of a sudden, a sweet notion smoothly glides through the rabble of worries in my head, making me stop, shaking me away from my fears.
Dreams.
Everything around me dissolves into invisibility, as I find myself gazing unblinkingly into dreams. I now have my head in the clouds, trying to picture happy thoughts. Special moments that I want to happen in reality. Like achieving sweet success. Sharing love and making everyone happy.
Or the fantasy of having that kind of kiss that makes you realize sunlight doesn't provide warmth anymore, because you find them in those lips you never wanna pull away from.
I'm like staring into space now. Lost in thought. Like I'm somewhere else. Another place that's beyond the reach of the real world.
It's one of those moments where you don't want be snatched back into reality for a while...