I was trying so hard to hold it. I forced my mouth, stretching it into a tight-lipped smile.
I was tired and happy and overwhelmed all at once. Thank you, Philippine Wrestling Revolution.
I just got through the PWR mentors/veterans' chest-chop initiation - which hurt like Glenn Rhee dying in The Walking Dead. It'd been an exhausting yet fulfilling training (comeback?) day in the ring.
The bumps hurt. The rolls did make me feel dizzy. But my heart hoped that these strains did help big time to shake off the ring rust that'd been wrapped around my body for some time.
Nicole spread out her slim arms eaten by her long black sleeves, inviting me into a genuine and warm hug, despite the gross sweat-human I'd been.
“I’m so proud of you,” she said through my sweaty hair and into my ear. “You’ve said countless times that it’s never gonna happen and today you’ve taken the first step towards that dream. You’re my inspiration.”
And that was it.
That triggered that one well-needed snap to let the tears flow. She just released a stream of all these heartfelt words and it caused me to be vulnerable to shedding tears.
I hugged back, tight, feeling the corners of my mouth tremble and the tears stream. My shoulders shaking from the ugly crying, she subsequently started rubbing my back, not doing anything to help my now-sentimental self.
Nicole Le Saux made me cry, and it was ugly. I felt ugly crying like that. At least she was holding me.
I couldn’t believe I was ugly crying that day. I didn’t expect it to be that way.
It was true, I'd taken that first crucial, most-needed step that day. After three years of being restricted from that dream. Three years of going through frustration and pain from not being able to get a hold of that dream. Three years of being held back. Three years of painful, uncertain waiting.
Somehow, that day, it just wasn't impossible like how it'd been for three years.
Somehow, that day, I was once again able to take a bump in that very ring...and take another chance to start working towards that wrestling dream.
How?
It could be the never-ending wishful thinking. The constant frustration that had pinched my heart for three years when I was watching my talented friends in wrestling succeed little by little, and knowing and thinking I should be there with them, but I wasn't - hadn't been with them as they became successful. It could be the support that my brothers from another mother gave me at a time when I wasn't really sure anymore about getting back at it. Or it could be Nicole and Kuya Ouel's endless encouragement and insisting that I should come back, despite having only my solid, sorriest I can't anymore's as a response.
It could be just the power of some intergalactic shiznatch that might have been watching over my existence all these years!
Or really, it could just be God doing some mind-blowing magic again.
Life is full of twists.
Not to get ahead of myself, but this could be one of them.
And here I am, praying that I am able to fulfill it completely this time. Surpass whatever hindrance it might generate.
Hoping this time, it's going to be for real.
I never wanted to make a scene at training, and I tried so hard to muster up all my internal strength to get myself together and shush my ugly-crying. Especially now that people seemed to be already surrounding the space occupied by my and Nicole's intertwined bodies.
"Oh ano 'yan?" Kuya Ouel walked up to us, eventually running a hand to join the back-rubbing that Nicole had been doing (which was zero help in stopping the tears). "Walang iyakan!" He playfully said.
"Hala bakit umiiyak?" K.T. was next to be inquisitive.
I slowly pulled away from Nicole's embrace, rubbed my eyes as much as I needed in order to wipe all the tears mixed with sweat off of my face. I looked at K.T. "Sakit kasi nung chops eh!" I quipped, generating a sweet-sounding laugh from Nikki.
Later that evening I joined some of the guys at Chick n' Chops for dinner (which I learned was the guys' go-to-meal-place). After that, Nicole and I went home together.
“This is the longest we've been with each other!” Nicole exclaimed as we buckled up before leaving the parking lot. It was true. It's damn true. I was grateful for it.
We spent a chill night driving onto West Service Road, getting sorta lost in a little world of our own as we jammed to Paramore and My Chemical Romance like only krazie flawsome geeks would on a Friday night (even though it was a Sunday).
Everytime I looked to the passenger seat by my right side, she was either giggling or banging her head to the beat of our cool playlist, enjoying her newly cut hair that made her look like a sexy Buttercup from the Powerpuff Girls, giving her entire aura such a renewed vitality.
And I couldn't help but think of
1) How even prettier she looked in her new hair
2) And how this little sunshine of a Frenchie had such power to make me ugly-cry.
Shorties Rak West Service Road
