An Intense Grief. =( I don't understand myself. It's pretty unfathomable.

I feel like being inside a library when I remember the following quotes. I really am in silence when I remember these quotes, specifically, I'm in woeful silence. =(

-"Why am I still with the past if...THE PAST IS GONE?"
-"Who knew seeing you again would make me replay all the good times over & over again?"
-"Why do I always have to be the one to do it?"

-"It is devastating that you give her as much number of sweet drugs as I give you."

-"It's so hard to talk to you because I never know what you're thinking."

-"I hope that the sweetest thing you could give me won't be the hardest thing for you to eat."

-"It feels like the bruise spreads after I just grinned and bear it. It hurts terribly."

-"I don't know what went wrong."

-"You'll never see it my way, because you're not me."

-"I give him a hankie, and he doesn't give me back. Why does it always work out that way?"

-"You drive me real crazy dude. definitely my top confusion. I don't get you."

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME, AND MORE SEVERELY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. I REALLY DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS. BUT CAN YOU JUST ONE DAY TELL ME? DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO TAKE ACTIONS FIRST? WHY DON'T YOU DO IT? THE LAST TIME I SMILED WAS WHEN I WAS IN THE CHEST OF THE VAST PEACE. WHY DID IT JUST GO WRONG LIKE THAT? I DOOOOOOOON'T KNOOOOOOOOW!!! I'M SO CONFUSED! I DON'T WANT TO CALL THIS FEELING THE ONE THAT A PERSON FEELS WHEN HE'S IN THIS SOME KIND OF EMOTIONAL WOE OR GRIEF, OH BOY I CAN'T EVEN WANT TO SAY WHAT SPECIFICALLY IT IS!

I can never forget the tragic contusion you gave me, OH THE BRUISE INSIDE ME! It was memorable! Sadly memorable! And right now, I'm holding my horses though they really want to run so free!

I just hope that you have the same kind of horses that I do, so that when I unleash them and let them run to yours, they won't have an enormous scrap but an enormous amity instead.