Why hello there, my ever-cherished diary. Your owner's writing to you again. And I hope you can still remember my name, I mean I have to admit that it has been quite a long time after I last wrote to you. Apparently, the last time I wrote to you was also the first time I did. I'm sorry dearie, I mean..Diary. I know I just got you from an old, timeworn, and dreary storage area in our basement, but that doesn't mean I should treat you the way I did..I'm sorry. And I mean it, like I'M REAL SORRY for having it take 2 long years before I ought to catch up with you again. I can't even believe this will only be the 2nd time I'm writing to you, after having you for two years already. Real sorry. But incase you forgot: Hi Diary, it's me, Lauren. :)Oh Diary, you might be thinking about what had I been through the past years.
Incase you haven't noticed, I'm a graduate now. In fact I've already procured an occupation now - Yes I do have a job now. Sounds great huh. Sure does. I am not committed to a particular employer long term though, I am self-employed. I'm a freelance journalist, dearie. I mean..Diary. Anyways, I just want you to know how glad I am to be writing on this ever-cherished notebook of mine, I always have lots of reasons that I write to you. But right now, there's something specific actually. Particularly, there's one reason I'm writing to you at this very moment. Diary, I HAVE TO RELEASE SOMETHING. IT'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN HOLDING INSIDE AND I'M AFRAID I MIGHT BURST AT ANY MOMENT SO I JUST GOTTA RELEASE IT. Yes it's just writing..and sure, no one's gonna read this. But I don't care, IT'S STILL A RELEASE. And all I care for right now is my peace of mind.4 days ago, I was on a freelance assignment taking pictures of an old, huge, and abandoned manor when my cousin AJ called me up. AJ is the owner and manager of a well-recognized entertainment bar called "Bop&Pop Nightclub". He told me that later that night, his nightclub would be having the top 5 bands on the MTV HitChart, and asked if I might wanna do some article about that particular event. Well his nightclub seemed like the most "dropped by/stopped at" place of entertainment, so I decided to take the opportunity to put this event on the editorial. And besides, having your music done through LIVE BANDS with the TOP 5 Bands on the MTV Hitchart rather than having remixed songs played by a DJ is completely big of a deal so why wouldn't I want to do the job? And so, I said yes to him. Later that night, I was at the club doing my thing. I walked in as the laser lights illuminated all over the entire place. AJ saw me in the huge crowd and ran up to me, immediately giving me a bear hug -He hadn't really seen me in a while.
And yes, I was taking care of everything I had to. I only actually had one main task to do, and that's to take photos. I didn't think bringing up a pen & paper would help that time. I mean with all the noise going on do you really think I could concentrate on my writing at that very moment? Obviously we've same answers to that one, so let's leave it at that. I just had to pay attention on every single thing going on so that scribbling them down on the editorial wouldn't be too much of a trouble.
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Finally, the last band came up on stage to play. The lead vocalist asked everyone to get wild on the dance floor, and boy did they all go berserk. I just stayed sitting on the bar stool having a drink while everyone's getting madsick. After taking a few gulps of my straight up-served martini, somebody caught my eye from the dance floor and I truly couldn't believe what I was seeing..and truly never even wanted to believe it was real. It couldn't be her..it couldn't be Sandra. ;o
It was bizarre that my face practically paled out when I saw Sandra. First of all, she's already residing in Madrid so what the heck was she doing there? Secondly, she can't stay here for good 'cause if she does, what will happen to me now? I couldn't believe she's back. Now let me directly tell you, dearie..Duh-Diary... That this blonde woman is the reason I'm writing now. I just can't face the fact that I'm feeling this stuff because of her. You know that feeling? I was so much super-dooper fine within the past 2 years at almost every aspect of my life, but you know how I felt when she actually came back? I FELT I LOST ALL MY CONFIDENCE THAT I'VE BUILT UP. And frustratingly, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THE HECK I FEEL THIS WAY. You know that stuff when you're unconfident, anxious with every step you make, and like self-doubting? No. It can't be this feeling. I'm afraid. I can't be feeling...in- DANG I CAN'T EVEN SAY IT. I'm afraid to tell you that I'm feeling...INSECURE. :|
But why in the world! I just can't quite figure out this whole entire feeling. I feel so vulnerable now that Sandra's around! But seriously Diary, for what reason?! WHY THE HELL DO I FEEL THIS WAY? I don't even think she's a better human being than I am, I mean I've done great things that none of her accomplishments could ever compare to mine! From the very little that I can remember from the hardships I had back when I was in college, I had to claw and bleed my way through every subject just to get a passing grade! AND SANDRA HAD NEVER EVEN DONE THAT! 'CAUSE SHE NEVER WENT TO COLLEGE! 'Cause all she did was partying and drinking and all that stuff! She is an infamous person! She is famous but she has an extremely bad reputation, people don't like her, she's scandalous, I strived hard in college, graduated, I do have a decent and noble job right now SO WHY ON EARTH DO I FEEL INSECURE WITH THAT BLONDE UNDERDOG?!!!
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Oh. Yeah. I almost forgot. Okay. Now I do figure things out. I just remembered that Sandra was the one who took the only man I loved, away from me. Yes, she took Wes away from me. Oh yes she did.
No. A memory fades in now. 2 years ago Wes and I were together. Unbeknownst to me, while he poisoned me with all those sweet words of love he whispered, he went to Sandra's house almost every night that they could meet up, and had some overtime. Don't go asking me how I found that out, if you don't want this to get much longer than it is right now. "I AM A LOSER!" I cried out alone in my room that very night, I had a lot in my mind. Now that I'm compared to a glass completely shattered into pieces, I wanted to know where to start. How to? What would I do next? It was berserk. It was horrible. I was thinkin' how much of a loser I am, and dang how those guys are such completely heartless frauds!
March 13, 2010 - 1:26AM. Oh dearie, your very own Lauren now tells you that she already has solved the problem, and has successfully deciphered that the main reason why she's so insecure with Sandra is because that blonde underdog took Lauren's man away from her. She thieved him! She thieved him from me and Wes cheated how can I contain my emotions now. :'c
I can't believe I'm writhing in this whole insecurity. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this. But how do you erase the fact that she stole my man? And more exasperatingly, that man chose her over me and they left me clandestinely for Madrid 2 years ago?! And the anxiety inside me lives on, I don't know how to stop this. Oh how I wish I could have the guts to simply ignore everything. I'm so weak. I know I have to do something. I'm thinking about running away from this, but how hard is it to run away from an inevitable misery? I need to take action! Oh dearie-diary, how do you...MOVE ON? :|
Hey folks, it's Janica now. This is a work of fiction. Just thought that I'd kinda take a break from blogging about everything happening to me, and that I'd try doing something new. Hope you like it. PEACE ;)
1 comment:
BRAVO! ;)
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