Renewed with Championship Spirit (by the Holy Spirit)

Ouch.

My left foot is buried in a basin of ice tubes in hopes of a speedy healing and recovery. I wince as I feel every inch of my foot's skin go cold. I have no idea how I got this pain. I'd be spending long hours trying to think back and assess which part of last night's match caused this (hopefully very minor) injury. I didn't feel it until after I left the venue to grab dinner with my friends.

I guess my news flash today would be something like, "PWR Live: Championship Spirit - A Baptism of Fire." Last night, I partook in a 4-way all-women wrestling match for the Queen of Asia Championship against Gatoh Thailand's Jibzy, Queen of PH Wrestling Crystal, and the well-known big shot idol from Japan, reppin' different wrestling leagues including AEW - Riho. TODAY, I WOKE UP FEELING IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM. It was surreal. Those 3 big names, shared a ring with me and I couldn't be any more blessed.

The fact of the matter is, I didn't believe I deserved to be in this big main event match up at PWR Live: Championship Spirit. When they'd broken the news to me a month ago, I felt excited - but it was overpowered by a cup of FEAR and WORRY, spilling over - swamping every ounce of hope and faith in myself. I was not confident. I didn't believe I deserved to be there. Because I didn't think I could keep up with those big stars. Because maybe, I simply couldn't. Because I didn't hold a candle to their talents. Because how could those big names share a spectacle with a no-name like me.

So I spent the past month second-guessing things, doubting myself, dreading the biggest day yet in my wrestling journey. It was literally a month of endless worrying sessions. I also felt lost trying to juggle all the responsibilities and priorities in life. But I also realized, I wasn't doing something I should be doing. I wasn't calling on Someone I should be calling on. GOD.

I guess author Michael Faudet's right when he once said, "Lost is a lovely place to find yourself."

Sunday morning, it was show day. I woke up real early and grabbed my Bible at 6:30 AM. I opened onto a page in the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 31 verse 6 - one of my life verses. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you - He will never leave you nor forsake you."

In a world like this, where life could be chaotic sometimes, as humans we tend to forget about what the Lord God teaches us. He has always told us to trust in the Lord and never lean on our own understanding. For His ways are always loving and righteous. Because we cannot do all things without Christ who strengthens us. It's not a walk in the park to be a disciple of Christ - I can relate to those who forget about the Lord in desperate times - but these times are specifically the ones wherein we need to depend on Him more. Because we need His wisdom, His guidance.

I put on my Hillsong playlist as I drove to pick up my best friend, Jeorge, missing my student life so much where we spent almost every day studying His word and singing songs of praise and worship. I sang along to the first part of At the Cross, and when chorus came my singing was stopped by the warm tears welling up in my eyes, running down my face. He was speaking to me at this moment and I questioned myself, why am I worrying? Why have I not been calling on You for weeks? 

Indeed an emotional morning to start a show day. But it felt home. Company even made more warm with my best friend soon driving me to Makati and to the show's venue (Power Mac Center Spotlight). For the first time in a long time I was able to get a sense of calm. Inner peace. After having the noisiest, most raucous drowning thoughts in my head for a month.

My very first show poster!

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Meeting Riho and Jibzy for the first time was unbelievable. But what worried me (again) was the language barrier. What if they didn't understand me? What if I mishear what they're saying? I was thinking about so many miscommunication problems already and it wasn't good. Few hours before the show Jibzy called me into the locker room to discuss the match. Crystal wasn't around yet so it was just me Jibzy and Riho.

Jibzy sat in front of her dresser and began. "So... your move? What?" She looked at me.

Smiling coyly, I tried to start talking before I completely got sucked within the beauty that was her long dark hair. "Oh, uhh. So some of my moves... I have uhh. I do spinebuster - " I paused and tried to check if I was maybe talking fast - "I do a reverse stunner," I continued and looked to Riho who had such glistening eyes that popped through her fresh, glowing skin. "And then, I have a finishing move called Mocking Jaye, which is just a bicycle kick." I got up from the floor to demonstrate with energy, vibrantly kicking the air. I didn't realize how funny I looked until I sat back down on the floor and looked to both our international guest wrestlers, who now had stoic faces looking at me.

Do they think I'm funny? I thought to myself. I almost confirmed the two foreign wrestlers thought I looked like an idiot when they didn't say anything after I talked for 30 seconds and threw my leg in the air. They looked at each other, all silent. I was clueless about what they had in mind. But more importantly, I felt a bit embarrassed.

I gave them an awkward smile. "Let me just get my water okay?" I excused myself to walk away for a while. While it was true that I wanted to get water, I really just wanted to escape the embarrassment I'd put myself into in front of the international stars. Maybe talking in straight English in full sentences wouldn't work, I made a mental note.

When I walked back to where they were sitting, very timely, Crystal walked in and I really really saw how excited Jibzy was when she called her. "Crystal! Come!" She raised her hand and waved like she was calling a friend she hadn't seen in a long time.

It literally was like two girls happy to finally see their mother to save them after being weirded out by some stranger who tried to offer them some candy but refused because she looked weird.

When Crystal finally joined the discussion, it was true. The 2 were comfortable in discussing with her. Crystal had this style of English-talking where she didn't use full sentences. She talked in broken English words...or English word by English word.

"So uhh, startuu?" Crystal ran a hand through her blue hair. "Testu strengtu?"

Riho nodded with enthusiasm, signaling how she liked Crystal's idea. Her eyes glistened even more, it was so adorable. But more importantly, I was amazed by Crystal's communication skills. At the beginning of the discussion it was silent. Everyone did their thinking hums. "Hmmmmmm..." Crystal started, putting her hands on hair waist and trying to think. "Hmmmm..." I followed, tapping my chin with a finger and Riho followed with her own "hmmmmm", smiling tight-lipped at me and widening her sparkly eyes, bobbing her head to fix her gaze on me.

This little big star is really talking playfully to me? This woman would stomp her feet and bore holes into my stomach later on in the main event and she was making playful gazes towards me now. I was about to die of cuteness overload and disbelief-due-to-surrealness-of-the-situation.

The discussion was then taken to the ring, and it went on with Crystal continuously talking like, "Riho-san, idea, maybe, I hit - "Pom!" then I whip and I hit "pom!" To which Jibzy would add, "I go "pom!" then whip you-" then Riho would add, "Ah ah ah - rebersu! Rebersu."

"Okay? Okay? Okay?" Each of us would do the 3-finger-ok sign after every spot discussed. We eventually finished constructing the match, and did about 4 or 5 run-throughs backstage while the show went on.
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My eyes were wet again seconds before we went out the curtain. This was it. I was either going to die looking stupid, or die knowing I did a successful job working a match with 3 veterans. Crystal made her entrance first. When it was my turn, I let out one loud scream. My music hit and waited a few seconds before walking out.

WHAT IN THE WORLD?? WHO DISTRIBUTED THESE 'JAYE SERA SECTION' SIGNS???! 

Aside from the spotlight that blinded me, I saw a quite an ocean of white papers with black, bold letters that read "JAYE SERA SECTION #ANGAS." It couldn't be possible. I knew someone did this. There had to be a culprit. Just like when Cali Nueva surprised me one day with a compilation of video messages from the other PWR wrestlers giving me the most genuine words of encouragement. As much as I wanted to hug those guys who held the signs, I shrugged it off for the moment and decided I had to keep my focus on.

The match started, and to sum it up...it was fun and fast and amazing... I didn't screw up. With assistance by the three girls in the ring, I'm convinced that I was able to do my job. I also just want to share how I thought I would be killing myself when I climbed the top rope to hit my first ever moonsault. My legs must have been shaking, but the adrenaline drowned the feeling of fear because it was super strong. I jumped off and flipped back, slamming my body against Crystal, and I thought I went deaf for a second. Not for real, but because I could barely make out the chants / screams the crowd gave.

I am extremely grateful. For this opportunity that I was given. Riho, Jibzy, Crystal. To share a ring with you three is such a huge honor. I thank you for sharing a fantastic game in the ring with me. For letting me step within your "palace" and share with me some of your glory that you've all worked hard for, for years. Thank you very much.

I'm thankful to Cali for making that video and for every single time he messaged me with encouragement. To everyone in that video compilation who gave a message. To Coach Ro who wowed me when he said he believed in me. To Mavin who warmed my heart with a parody song. To Super P for making the cutest illustrations that uplift my spirit. To Jian who told me how some things were meant to be. To Inah who believes she sees magic in me. To Trian who said, "Just fight for your dreams." To a wrestling hero that is JD who believed in my hardwork. To Jhemherlhynn who not only was very happy about me being part of that match, but to this day still stands as one of the biggest blessings in my life for this year. To Boss President Red who was one of the people who made this match possible and gave me such a big opportunity at such a great wrestling match. To Evan Carleaux who recorded his message while drunk because...Gagui! To everyone who hugged me in the locker room after the match. To Camus who showered me with the F-word multiple times while hugging me. To Shaukat who touched my heart when he said he went emotional seeing that high spot. To Z whose words felt extremely genuine saying how proud he was of me, and proud is such a strong word my friend, as we shared endless hugs back and forth and I went thanking him countless times for teaching me and pushing me. To Nicole, who not only was / has always been my source of strength and motivation, but was also responsible in glammin' up my face with her incredible make-up skills. To my siblings from another parents, Jeorge, Joyce, Eamiel, and my close friends Mayan and Patsy who showed their support by watching the show live, I couldn't express how much your attendance meant to me. I love you guys.

AHHH. I could go on and this post would be a 300-page novel.

I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY. IT'S THE BEST ONE I'VE HAD SO FAR!

Dear Lord, thank You for You know what's best and for teaching us Your ways.

For the past month I died as I'd been lost into a sea of worries and fears. But PWR Live: Championship Spirit was the day I was reborn with championship spirit, by the Holy Spirit.

My First Wrevo X-perience

"603 pesos..." I mentally grumbled as I tossed my phone to my left side and leaned my head back, looking out the window as my Grab car passed by the Makati architecture enveloped in darkness. I really hate spending big money. Especially on ride share apps. Or really, just anything expensive in general.


May 26, 2019. We, Philippine Wrestling Revolution, had just finished doing the biggest show in Philippine wrestling this year, Wrevolution X 2019. It has exhausted me in various (good) ways. I could still feel every ounce of each emotion boiling hot inside my system as I took this ride home. As I fixated my eyes on the lamp posts shedding little to no light on the streets, I still recalled the beautifully-constructed matches. The PWR ring with different set of wonderful talents. The loud pops of the hot crowd. The sheer joy. The incomparable energy of the Power Mac Center Spotlight that was thrown by the crowd, that was absorbed by every wrestler that came out that curtain which bounced back to the crowd and resonated through the walls of the venue. Excitement and fear and heart-attacks and tears. All these came out for every beautiful story that was told inside that ring.

Post-show photo

I wasn't supposed to be able to wrestle today. Due to my nasal bone fracture nearly a month ago, I was advised by my doctor to avoid any intense physical activity for straight 30 days as I let it heal. Today marked the 22nd day and I had decided to do the match because I knew no amount of pain and regret would ever compare to the one I would've felt had I chosen to withdraw myself from the match. This was Wrevolution X after all, not to mention, my first one. I was participating in the pre-show match that was the over-the-top-rope Battle Royale together with the Cali Nueva, Rederick Mahaba, Kapitan Tutan, Brad Cruz, Bolt, Revo Ranger, Gatilyo, Joey Bax, and the returning Zayden Trudeau - for an All Out War title shot (and rights to some weird picture of Kap's which I've zero interest in). Considering it was literally a rumble, everyone knew it would be chaotic. Slightly, I'd been scared for myself. But it had been agreed upon to kind of keep me safe as we worked through the match to avoid worsening the injury. I had convinced myself later on that I'd be all right. However, when I met with the boys to discuss the match earlier today, Z walked up to me broaching the idea he said he'd been thinking about as a spot between him and myself.

"So I have this spot which I think we could do," Z started as we got up from the seats ringside.

I think I had been focused for a few seconds on what he was saying until he revealed the name of the move.

Brain buster. 

No.

Brain bustaaaaah!

I think I just looked at him with a very forced, awkward-looking smile. He talked for the next few seconds explaining the mechanics and science of the move and the positioning and everything, assuring me that he could keep it safe and all that. I swallowed with a hint of fear behind a forced smile, still. He then said he was pretty sure we could do it - that I could do it.

"If you feel uncomfortable we don't have to do it."

"No, it's cool," I half-lied. "I'm okay with it." I stretched my slightly quivering lips once more into a weird wide smile.

Takte kaya ko ba 'yon???

I'd never tried that before with anyone. I've only done a diving clothesline off the top rope but nothing this crazy. The move elicits fear just by trying to picture it in your head. I was scared. I might have been so lost in my scaredy-cat thoughts as I paced back and forth inside the dressing room because I almost wasn't able to mouth a proper response when Crystal twirled my red curls with her fingers and looked at my face.

"Your face has super light make-up compared to mine," she randomly pointed.

It took seconds before I was able to answer. "The colors and glitter suit your face."

While what I said was true, the real reason I had little (to almost no) make-up was because... I really can't put on a good, show-ready make-up look. You can challenge me to apply BB cream, lip balm, some eyebrow, and some Johnson's baby powder and I'd totally kill it. But if you're talking all-glam - smokey-eye with a wing and blending colors and glitter on my lids and contour and all that - I'm such a zero. The only reason I had great make-up on my debut match against Jhemherlhynn at Wrestle-ution back in January was because Nicole got me all show-ready and she's such an amazing make-up artist (huhu thank you so much again Nikki). Of course, I couldn't ask for her help every time we do a show because. Nakakahiya na.

When we went to rehearse the move, I really didn't want to disappoint Z and really...really gave it my best to achieve the proper position and all. Z was just all kind and understanding and patient enough - all qualities of a good coach right? First time we did it, I was still hesitant and couldn't get a good height out of my jump.

"I need you to jump harder," Z said.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry."

I forgot just how many times I apologized for not being able to jump harder. But he constantly told me, "It's okay." We tried about 3 times outside the ring before I earned his sweet-sounding, "Perfect." I was finally able to establish myself vertically and utilize some core strength properly. I also felt anxious because it seemed that I was tiring him out with each try. But now it was time to try it on the top rope. Again, fear ate me.

As we climbed the ropes and he hooked my head in his arm and I hooked his in mine, my heart was beating hard. "Ready? 1-2..."

"Wait wait wait Z omygosh!" I was just thinking so many fearful thoughts! I couldn't help but really be afraid. I trusted Z and there was no question with his abilities and skills. But.. but... I was afraid.

"Hey," he spoke calmly. "If you're not okay with it and feel uncomfortable, we won't do it."

I paused for a while. That wasn't what I wanted to happen. I definitely wanted to do it, I just needed to get rid of my fear. I might be thinking I trusted Z, but I didn't trust him completely. And that's what I had to do. So we tried it one more time. And...

"Perfect."

I heard him say the second time. He got me ready, and I was ready.

Later on during the match, we did it and the crowd went nuts. I couldn't be any happier with it and I'm just ever so grateful to Z for pushing me and being patient with me.

My subtle friendship with Boss Red

(c) Mike Yap

Finding the perfect timing to attack these crazy boys

(c) Mike Yap

Blinded by the Stars with me in the ring - they're shining bright

(c) Mike Yap

So in totality, my Wrevo X-perience as a wrestler looks like this:

1. Paid respect (and equality) to Red
2. Killed by Z
3. Betrayed by Cali

But as a fan, it's a little something like:

1. Went crazy about the dueling 450's by Cali and Z
2. Got so invested in Khenmherlhynn
3. Was so moved by Mh4rckie's kakai-proposal
4. Got my heart warmed by JDL's victory and even more so when Bombay joined him in the ring to celebrate his victory and brotherhood
5. Got lost and indulged in huge disbelief upon seeing Motor City Devil
6. Extremely emotional during the main event - PWR Championship match between Quatro and Ralph Imabayashi

Not lying with number 5. Cali (who'd betrayed me earlier) and I had been lost in our own little corner as we watched Quatro and Ralph tear the house down from afar and we reacted ever-so-extremely to every page unfolded of that championship match book. We were crying and holding each other just because of how beautiful the storytelling was by those two. I was getting super exhausted by the match, we all were, we had released every scream of excitement and fear and frustration in the last 40 minutes and those two Lords inside that ring wouldn't end it just yet. They were such... champions. I think the last 4 falsies, my eyes were literally welling up with tears and my hands and lips were shivering out of sheer joy - it's like getting drunk in this irresistible liquor known as wrestling. I hadn't been much aware until Robynn tapped me asking why the heck I was crying. "Ang ganda kasi," I answered absentmindedly, not taking my eyes off the ring.

with the Battle Royale winner and AOW contender, Kap

Nerparts

with the new PWR Champion, Quatro

I was exhausted mentally and emotionally - but in a good way. This show, Wrevolution X, really shook me to the foundations of my soul. I feel absolutely grateful to have been part of this historic day. I'm ever so, sooooo grateful.

After reflecting on life a bit, I decided that I didn't care about spending 603 pesos on a Grab ride tonight. Wrevolution X brought me so much joy, it was impossible to feel any form of negativity towards anything.

Thank you, PWR family. I love you.

More Than a Cold, More Than a Flu, I Feel Old, And Smell Like Poo

Basically called myself Miss Bum Sick for literally being sick out of my butt for an entire week. While it was great to be out-of-office (which translates to marginally being away from client's phone calls, emails, and desk tasks - yes I say marginally because I do mean by this as only to a slight extent of being away from all these office duties because we all can never really be away from work, thanks to Mr. Digital Age and all its bioelectric energy-powered devices), it did feel exasperating to be constantly in bed, battling the great headache and abnormal cold whilst having to deal with the deadly summer heat of this country and...

...the very unpleasant Maynilad water situation here.

During our company team building about a week ago, I unfortunately met an accident while playing beach soccer with my colleagues. I still don't know up to now why I happened to be overly determined with a fiery passion in my heart to win that stupid game, despite knowing it wouldn't get us any special prize. I was just. Determined to win that last score. A colleague from the opposite team happened to have the same attitude and drive I'd had that night and both our eyes were set on that huge soccer beach ball. And so the most unfortunate scene took place: two angry, hungry forces...collided.

Unluckily, I was the one who fell down from the unexpected collision as he suddenly, accidentally smashed me with his elbow, specifically smacking against my eye and nose. It was suddenly dark and I could swear I saw one big star sparkling before falling on my back on the gravelly sand in the middle of the Batangas beach.

Hence, a swollen nose bridge and a hideous black eye.

Definitely, a wave of worries surged through my head. Is this major injury? Am I seriously hurt? Am I going to be unconscious? Is this heaven? 

Will I be able to wrestle on Sunday?

That last question whispered by my subconscious certainly didn't need an answer. To be more accurate, it didn't need NO for an answer. I constantly iced my face until the swelling died down even just a little. I legit looked like I'd come out straight from a Pacquiao fight (with Pacquiao significantly knocking me out the 1st round). This must be what his opponents feel after every fight, I thought to myself.

After letting everyone know (Philippine Wrestling Revolution heads, parents, friends), I was decided to push through with my match at PWR Live: Destino. Seeing as how I was put in a match up against the fantastic and well-known Punk Rock Maiden Robynn, withdrawing from the match was in no way, shape, or form, an option for me. Sunday morning, I re-discussed my match with her, our agent, and our president where we decided to tweak a few parts by avoiding my face to prevent further damage.

We got everything over with, and my heart was filled with joy after the match, ever so grateful to Robynn, and ever so grateful to myself for deciding to go with the match. It was only after Sunday that I had a chance to go to an ENT doctor to get my nose checked. As I've said, I wasn't able to go to work beginning Monday due to the severe headache and pain on my nose. We were told that I was going to need to do more than an X-ray - she advised me to go through a CT scan exam.

Turns out, I have a nasal bone fracture - a linear fracture. This meant, while I don't have to go through a surgery, I did need to take antibiotics and a 30-day-rest with no intense physical activity to really let it heal.

It didn't sound good - especially when he began to elaborate that I can't do any wrestling, not even a workout as this might strain the bone more and worsen the fracture. FOR 30 DAYS???! I can't accept this life, I mentally whimpered. Immediately, I had to let the PWR president know of my situation - and while I've been feeling down since the doctor broke the news to me, our president Jake De Leon was ever so positive about it saying he's hopeful that I can recover faster and earlier so that I can make it to the next show - the biggest one we have lined up this year - Wrevolution X!

The doctor also indicated that this injury has also caused my abnormal cold - my nose is either too clogged or too overflowing with mucus and I've been having trouble breathing. So he also gave me (made me buy, actually) a nasal spray to relieve the congestion in my nose from time to time.

Friday morning made me feel better when God seemingly sent an angel on the roads of Facebook messenger through the digital body of my nerparts, fellow PWR Wrestler Cali Nueva. He'd messaged to check if I was okay, to which I responded, "Need a hug." Our conversation went from me telling the whole story to him revealing why he doesn't read books anymore, to exchanging similar viewpoints on focusing on individual growth instead of spending time with the wrong people, to him questioning my Halaman lifestyle, and discussing Rederick Mahaba's mic skills. It was so random yet so sensible and this is why it's so comforting to chat with this guy. We just get each other, we learn new things no matter what the topic is, and most importantly, I forget about bad stuff like this linear fracture in my freaking nose.

And that's the story of how I spent a week surrounded by antibiotics, pain relievers, and nasal spray decongestants while battling the oven-like heat inside our house, comforted by Inuyasha on Netflix at times and ice cream that was a special request to my mom which she ever so kindly granted. I was also on a binge-worrying session for every client's email that popped on my phone from time to time, thinking so much about all the work piling up on my desk, awaiting my grand return only to have me cry in defeat when I finally see them again. Viber conversations with the boss and the team to somehow still coordinate on some projects (also in hopes I could lessen the piled up load when I get back), eating solid good food courtesy of my mom's cooking plus sweet treats and gaining 2 lbs real quick because of that, and getting back to the meds and nasal spray and oh, a life spent close with tissue rolls for blowing my nose literally every 5 minutes.

So yeah. I lived that kind of life this past week.

I did all of that...with quite an inconsistent shower routine, too.

Meteora

i hear her stomp
realizing where i don't wanna be

dead beat, i sluggishly push myself up

like a newly turned zombie

as i sit upright,

still adjusting my vision

my nose takes a knee strike

whipping me into deliberate misdirection

"No, no," i absently plead,

weakly waving my hands

her next move, so hard to read

through a curtain of unkempt red strands

she runs the ropes, and she yells

i should move, but i'm not sure how to

she jumps on me, and i forget the rest

just my smashed face, beneath pink tutu