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Thursday, June 28, 2012

Queen of Emotions

I meditated on God's spirit-lifting words. Always been the best way to start my day. I thanked Him for another God-given day... and another whole God-given year for me. Despite the slight disgust about already turning 18 today, I was grateful to the Lord.

I strode into my parents' room, and my eyes roved over our guitars at a standstill against the wall. They were right behind the disc-stands that held a couple of DVD's. I gently grabbed the steel-stringed guitar, pulling it carefully enough not to knock over the tall pile of DVD's that stood beside 'em other guitars. I sat on the bed and held the guitar properly.


Almost involuntarily, my fingers positioned themselves on the fingerboard, firmly pressing against two of the rusty strings to form the E-minor chord. My other hand began to strum the strings in a slow tempo. The chord progression shifted to C, G, and then to D, repeating it all over again as I kept the rhythm of this very familiar intro. The last strum to the intro came and gave my unrefined voice the cue to finally breeze in along the beautiful guitar resonance that I was playing.

Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are


My naive and immature music knack sort of forgot that it shouldn't have impelled my body to sing Coldplay's The Scientist this morning. However, it was sorta inevitable.

The point is...
The intro to this blog is pointless, and completely not cohesive to my next paragraph.

I just feel so overwhelmed tonight, not a single part of my body could explain the level of delight that's been welling up inside me. Just when I thought this entire day was going to be plain, and that my 18th birthday was going to fail, God swiftly made a move that absolutely caused some personal glee to reign.


My mind had resolutely set on one system of beliefs for this day. Today, I had this mindset about how this was going to turn out just like any ordinary day. A typical day, that would just pass in a matter of hours. Sometimes it's even faster when we don't keep an eye on time too often. My own frame of mind was so firm and decisive, it affected my mood and caused it to be steady, not expectant, and chillaxed.
When I suddenly remembered the few worries I've been going through, I gave up the thought and possibility of experiencing something different today. It felt melancholic that you ain't got nothin' special for your 18th birthday, but I figured God always has better plans and that was quite alright.

No matter how much I love them, "surprises" might have not been meant for me...

But then, a mini surprise came. A surprise so little, somehow delivering a great impact on me.

I just had quite a load of burden to think of these past days. My worries were on the process of taking over my whole entire brain, when suddenly... My classmates were singing happy birthday, I whirled around to see my friend holding a box of cake. The troublesome voices in my head seemed to stop dead in their tracks when my brain transmitted the sight of the box of cake that my eyes had just absorbed. Then they caught sight of the other 'present' the folks'd got for me: Latest issue of StarStudio Magazine with the ever-gorgeous Coco Martin on the cover. Instead of fading, my thoughts of worries started resurfacing, and they were running violently uncontrollably inside my head; voices much noisier, sounds much riotous. Then my eyes finally landed on the 2 guys who apparently held up Coco Martin-Masks in front of their faces. SO FUNNY! Oh snap, as though one of the troublesome voices reacted, I heard it pronounce fear and panic, like their troop was about to die down and explode... That scene was the funniest thing I'd seen the entire day. And I wanted to laugh so hard, and I was going to laugh. Laughter was my drug. And at the sight of those boys behind Coco Martin's printed faces, I sure was in for a good laugh. The tiny spark of giggling and cackling started off in my tummy, and started its way up till I felt it right in my throat! In my throat felt like one big lump of readied laughter, all set to come out of my mouth and sound freely throughout the room.. at the same time the worries and troublesome voices seemed to reach their peak, my head couldn't contain them no more. The beautiful sight of a birthday surprise was finally annihilating the worries in my mind, until I felt them explode all at once. I knew I had laughed right then, but what came out were tears. I perfectly knew I was going to let out a laugh, and believed that I did let out a great laugh. But tears streamed down my face, as my knees weakened and I found myself a few feet shorter, head buried in hands.


As to why my supposed laughter came out in disguise of some multi-flavored tears, I had no clue. Guess that normally happens to people undergoing mixed emotions.

To conclude this quickly, today, God taught me a lesson. A very important one.


And tonight, I was able to get a whiff of a scent I'd never sniffed in so long. It smelled the same, like the last time I inhaled it. I enjoyed the feeling so bad, I almost didn't want to sniff it all up, for I knew it was temporary... for I knew it wouldn't stay for too long.

That's quite alrite dawg.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Hashtag: Ten Worst Feelings

‏@WMjanica: ‪#10WorstFeelings‬ Those little burdens piled up and have become one big load of a problem & your explosion is worse than a volcanic eruption.

@WMjanica: ‪#10WorstFeelings‬ Being consumed completely by insecurities, therefore feeling like a blithering loser.

@WMjanica: ‪#10WorstFeelings‬ You happened to be such a kindhearted person that you've allowed yourself to be a slave for martyrdom.

@WMjanica: ‪#10WorstFeelings‬ Disappointment after disappointment.

@WMjanica: ‪#10WorstFeelings‬ You care too much about others so your lips and tongue betray you & you never had the chance to say what you really wanted.

@WMjanica: ‪#10WorstFeelings‬ "You put your life on the line, nobody really appreciates you enough for it," - Luis Sera on policia.

@WMjanica: ‪#10WorstFeelings‬ Having all that bravado of taking all the pain for someone else's sake and feel sorry for yourself at the end.

@WMjanica: ‪#10WorstFeelings‬ Always being a listener to many others but when it's finally your turn to speak no one listens 'cause nobody darn cares.

@WMjanica: ‪#10WorstFeelings‬ Your strange actions bother your folks and you struggle in having to remain silent and not broach your explanations.

@WMjanica: ‪#10WorstFeelings‬ Risking something very important for the benefit of somethin' else that is even more important.




Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Back-to-School Sounds as Lame as This Post's Title

I continued to brush the instant-shine-sponge across one of my black leather shoes back and forth. These shoes had been quite put to a temporary rest of 2 months; their faded look along with the effect of crinkled leather caused by my 2 years of using them was indicative that they were old, but just needed the right polish to revitalize them. My eyes beamed with satisfaction as I watched the creased and washed-out appearance of the black leather disappear through my continuous sweeping of sponge until a refurbished, shiny, black leather flashed before my eyes. My school shoes looked as good as new.

I so gently set them on the wood flooring of my bedroom, almost as careful as how Tony Stark a.k.a. Iron Man would painstakingly assemble all kinds of metal in inventing a new weapon in his manufactory. After putting them down, I looked around my room. My keen eyes roved their way immediately to my knee-length, red checkered skirt, folded in rather asymmetrical pleats, paired with my white blouse, almost dull-looking, both lolling from their hangers. My attention drew next to the plain over-shoulder bag of mine that sat coolly on my bed, its big and durable zipper together with the fabric's bleached-purple color gave it an almost masculine feel to it.

My right thumb stroked across my chin while I examined my surroundings.

School supplies: CHECK. School uniform: CHECK. School shoes: CHECK.
Looks like this is it, I sighed as my hand swept a wisp of newly trimmed black fringe off my forehead.

It's official: Tomorrow, it's back to school.

The bottomline of this blogpost is that I am in no way ready for school yet. I'm just not certain as to what particular aspect of college life it is that I dread the most or I heavily loathe, because almost the entire existence of this darn thing known as "college life" is downright complicated. I'd have to occupy a really, extremely long page in my blog before I could explain my repugnant and obnoxious insights detail by detail, and at the moment I'm not quite in the mood to be detailed and comprehensively in depth with my thoughts so I'd rather not do that. I wouldn't want to waste this wonderful opportunity I've taken to freakin' finally have that energy again to create a new post.

Instead, I'd like to share a beautiful, God-given advice I received this day. As a child of God, my best weapon for every single day of my life has always been His word. Nothing makes me feel stronger, more confident, and more driven than His words do.

Today, He told me, or actually more like He reminded me, that every God-given task should be wholeheartedly accomplished by His children, for He rejoices at our works. The Lord has made me realize today that it doesn't matter what the size of a certain work is. Big or small, every task that God gives always carries a significant value. And in due time He will guarantee us that promotion He knows we deserve. Therefore, there is no time to show reluctance. We must work, work, work, and make ourselves pleasant before our Creator's eyes. So this feeling of unwillingness toward getting back to school tomorrow should just go away, and it's time for me to hunker down and get the job done as I wholeheartedly complete every task that God will give me.

I shall thank our Awesome God for at the proper time, we persevering workers will get that promotion that was always meant for us.