Freedom and Distance

Some kind of distance is threatening to come in between, and I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for it.

The zest of a long weekend is such a hyped, crazy vibe coursing through my veins and it does send all kinds of delight straight to my heart. 

There isn't quite a better sense of contentment right now than to feel that for a fraction of this period stretch, there's a bit more time to dissociate myself from work. For a fraction of lastingness, I get to shield myself from the office responsibilities of attending meetings, responding to emails, and all the calls there are to make. 

I am free, for this atomic, chunky-slice of time. 

For four days, I am free. Thank you, special holidays!

Everything was perfect starting from yesterday, a no-work Friday which allowed me to be with my family for a whole day and be hands-on with my big-sister-slash-daughter-duties. A bit of a new drive to a bit of an unfamiliar road trip, some good music...there was the hot, humid weather to despise, but nevertheless, there still was plenty of free time and it all solved the problem.

And this morning, it still was great. I slept in. Definitely making up a lot of time for my bed and all that sleep I've been deprived of lately. No alarm tones to snooze. One of the best...

However, something still, was amiss. Despite the nice vibe provided by the long weekend, there was just something that sent some pessimism. Something just didn't set right.

And it wasn't any longer that I realized what was wrong. With a flashy speed, the thought broke into my blank bubble without warning and I immediately figured that today, someone was leaving.

Almost a week ago, I spent an ample amount of time with my solid circle at my bestfriend's crib. It was the day for my bestfriend to gather as many loved ones as he could, in order to have that one final cherishing moment before he left... so that day, all the special people were there. His solid circle, the special someone, the whole family. 

My heart suddenly, like magically just magnetically absorbed all kinds of invisible pangs and I felt quite a heavy amount of sadness wash over me.

My bestfriend, Jeorge...my Tsebb. Is leaving today. 

Leave, as in, fly to another country, and start a brand new chapter of his life there. 

Everybody told me that I was being extra melodramatic because they kept yelling to my face, including krazie Tsebb himself, that Singapore is really not far from PH. They kept busting on me for that and insisted that we could easily go there if we wanted.

Whatever these facts may state, nothing can ever put me at ease with that one single truth that my bestfriend and I are going to be countries apart. The Philippines and Singapore may both be comprising the maritime part of the Southeast subregion of the world's largest and most populous continent called Asia, but that doesn't change the fact that Tsebb is really going to be away from us!

I can't help but be forward-thinking already of all the possibilities that I have been dreading ever since the moment I discovered last year that he had plans of leaving. 

Jeorge and I have been bestfriends for almost 15 years now. I've known him since I was 7 when I went to the same school as his, and started an incomparable friendship with him when I was 8. Our gradeschool and highschool environment was undeniably our one true home that birthed to the solid brotherhood which we have until now, with ate Debby, Joyce Anne, and Michelle.

Jeorge and I grew up in the same neighborhood. It was easy to see him whenever I wanted to. Together, we opened new experience after new experience as young kids, to teenagers. We would relish in the joy of having landline phones and would talk over them for hours on late nights. It was either the landline or Yahoo Messenger back then that we were murdering for our late-night-senseless-fun-conversations. We saw each other everyday, talked to each other everyday for all the rest of our gradeschool and highschool days. 

Highschool graduation came, and everybody was travelling their own paths to the college world. New environments for each and everyone of us. It was different without the solid circle. Different without that familiar companion you used to start your day with. Even so, we still made sure that we had special days where we'd all meet up and do fun things just like the old times. 

Amidst my college days, we moved to a new place and left my childhood neighborhood. It was still in the same province where all my friends lived, just a different town and a bit farther from them. I remember him telling me how sad it made him to know that I was leaving our old place, saying that I was now going to be "far" from him. And I do remember retorting to him with an answer along the lines of, "It's not gonna be that far you idiot!"

Now I understood the feeling. 

But really, this is the realest one, ever. 'Cause we're talking countries here! Before, when we wanted to hang out, he'd just invite me over to their place and it was always the most enjoyable walk I had going to that crib. When we were college students, I moved to a new place, but it wasn't any longer that their family got a new house which happened to be around the same vicinity as ours. And just like that, it felt like the universe was really making a way for us to stay close to each other. Up to the time that work life started for me, going to their crib meant either taking public vehicles, or driving...a little different from the walk trips when we were much younger.

Nonetheless, it really wasn't a "distance" you could consider.

But now?

Now, if I want to see my bestfriend, I'd have to consider the following:

1. Plane tickets
2. Schedule
3. Vacation leaves which have high possibilities of not getting approved by the bosses
4. Budget to fly

I want to scream. 

It's not gonna be like, "Oh I'm feeling so bored I should see the idiot and catch up over coffee or discuss some really major problems okay where's my keys I should peaz awt of this house asap"

Now it's gonna be like, "Oh dang I miss Tsebb so much I really should have a well-needed-bestfriend-conversation with him asap okay what's the best schedule to fly okay what's the budget for this okay when do I fly ok wait I have to file a leave dang this better be approved"

I want to scream.

TSEBB! 

*sigh*

To have you go like this, literally means letting go of a big brother that used to be my guardian my whole life. Granted, I have 2 other  guardians left here (cause the other one's also living abroad), and your real-life big brothers can be my big bros too, but it's just simply going to be a lot different without you. 

You are that solid big brother who's always looked out for me. You know me like no one else does. You know what makes me happy. Only you can tell. You know who makes me happy and what to do to keep me happy. Only you do. You threw out a nice, surprise 18th birthday party for me and left me speechless with sheer joy bursting from inside my heart because I was so amazed by all the effort and love you had for me to organize and prepare such a big birthday surprise for me.

I may be shedding tears at the moment...

I just want to say, from the deepest backbone of my heart... THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING. 

You're the best one, totes. No one's ever better. Nobody does it better. You've done everything to protect me, you've taken me under your wing, to love and to grow. You've cherished me and nurtured me, guided me every step of the way and gave me some of the best laughs of my life.

You're the strongest, most positive person I know. And I know you won't stop making goals for your life, and that nothing is ever going to stop you from creating steps, big and small, in order to achieve them. 

Galingan mo diyan, Tsebb. Wala kang ibang makukuha sa aming lahat dito ng tropa at pamilya mo kundi suporta. 

I love you so much, brother. See you soon.