Unexpected Episodes

Sometimes, things just turn out better than expected.

Supposedly, it was gonna be an advanced birthday celebration in an ordinary way, "a plain day" it was gonna be, I thought. I'm actually turning 17 on the 28th, which falls on a Tuesday, a weekday, a schoolday, definitely a BUSY day. It made me decide to celebrate it in advance so that I'd be able to be with none other than my folks, my bestbuds, Skwaters..because I wanted to. I wanted to celebrate my day with 'em. I tried planning everything yesterday with them by talkin' to them on the phone, but yesterday was such a complicated day and certain factors cut in on our plans. There was just so much trouble hindering my plans yesterday, so much trouble that I started feeling hopeless...so much trouble, we ended up deciding that it's only gonna be Mimi and I, only the two of us at some mall, while the other two, Joyce and Tsebb (Jeorge) were left in the "bahala na" condition...they told me they weren't really sure if they could catch up. Not positive at all.

Earlier this day, I received two devastating messages from the other two: Jeorge almost saying that he might not make it, while Joyce already confirmed it that there was no way she'd be able to come...from that moment I knew I had to accept that obviously, it was only gonna be Michelle and myself celebrating my special day in advance. It's all good with Mimi alone, but ya know it's better to be complete.

But sometimes your folks are just too clever and they outsmart you; you won't even be able to smell that there's somethin' fishy going on.. You know they succeed when you fail to see that they're preparing a surprise.. ;")

Around 2pm I stayed outside our gate waiting for Mimi and Tita Miles (her mom) to come. It was not any longer that I could already see their car from afar, and when they drew near I was amazed to see Mimi ALREADY DRIVING! Like yay dawg, as a friend that truly made me proud. Hehe. I got in and we got going. On the road Tita Miles asked to stop by a convenience store located just outside our subdivision. She got out of the car and went inside Finds. With Mimi and I only in the car, I could only remember myself repeatedly praising her for being able to drive already..I was like "YOU'RE ALREADY DRIVING NOTHIN'S COOLER THAN THAT DAWG" and if it was YouTube, replay button was sort of raped lol. And I dove my hands in my bag fixing some of my stuffs, ofcourse my head was down and wasn't aware of what was going on around outside the car..I had to organize my things, the slight mess in my bag kept me concentrated on it and I almost didn't notice two familiar figures approaching the cardoor beside me, both of 'em holdin' up two 'improvised-head-posters' of my two favorite local male celeb's in their faces. @_@ Coco Martin and Jhong Hilario's faces kinda popped out of nowhere, but the real people behind those head-posters seemed...inexplicable? I guess?

Then they opened the door, which honestly scared me a bit and the one holding up Coco's face started singing somethin' like a "mantra" of some sort of I don't know, he just went with his intro "Wow Ulam Sa Sarap, Wow Ulam Sa Sarap" repeatedly in an undefinable tune and he wouldn't seem to stop. (That was like the tagline of Coco Martin's TV commercial of Wow Ulam)

My reaction? WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS? WHAT THE FUDGE IS GOING ON HERE?! What the?!

I just stared at the two folks very awkwardly for a bit long, like long seconds, really! And I could've sworn that it was the weirdest and most remarkable stare of puzzlement I've ever had in my whole entire life. I was so perplexed, I was thinking, "I got screwed today didn't I?" ;") It was weird and wonderful, I would say. Not too shortly the awkwardness and puzzlement were gone, little by little I was understanding what was going on, and slowly, everything started registering in my mind before I finally dropped my incredible reaction.

Jeorge and Joyce. They're here! We're complete! Oh how could they~..!! =))

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHH" was all I could shout, and they were all like LOL'ing and Tita Miles even videotaped the whole thing. All I could tell them was how they were so fantastic that they did this to me, lol. I was like "screw you guys" but I was thanking them so much, but I was just too overwhelmed. ;") For the next couple of minutes being on the road I was still in a state of shock, the surprise they gave me was really killing me and I'd keep on trying to figure out how I failed to see all of this coming, and analyze what was that exact thing I really felt right when the two showed up. HAHAHAHA THERE WERE SO MUCH THINGS IN MY MIND.

The next hours after that overwhelming incident? NOTHIN' ELSE BUT PURE FUN WITH THE FOLKS. World Rider with the 4D glasses, videoke, window-shopping, the never-ending story-telling which we all missed the most together with the great share of laughter, choo-choo-train as if we got back to being little kids... I COULD ONLY BE MORE THAN GRATEFUL TO THE LORD. And I later found out that Debby all the way from Canada had also prepared a surprise for me through a "surprise birthday greeting YouTube video"!!! I love her forever. But the most wonderful part of the day was the dinner, I'd say. We ate at this restaurant called The Old Spaghetti House, and it was Tita Miles' treat by the way. Hehe. The sweetest part was when we ordered the dessert. It was a slice of blueberry cheesecake, and they had asked the waiters/waitresses to have a candle on it for me to blow and to have them sing me a happy birthday ;") And the fact that we were like the only people in that resto was a factor too. It was excellent, I was so delighted.


The improvised-head-posters of the hot and awesome Coco Martin and Jhong Hilario


A can of Wow Ulam which was given to me by Tsebb lol



Gorgeous Mimi's gift to me ;")


The candle that Old Spag-House gave me.. It's the cutest one I ever saw and I'm forever keepin' it :)


Today was something that could only be described as "bliss". I'm pleased than ever, I'm grateful forever to the Lord, I thank my folks for a wonderfully surprising day, and for the pure fun they shared with me. They made me feel complete again today, I'm just so happy. It is weird, but it's just too wonderful of a feeling. :)

Always Keep 'em Safe

My Undying Prayer...


Dear God, Almighty. Goodevening. First of all, I thank You for another day You have lent me today. Thank You for the strength and knowledge You have given me and for letting me know how to use them properly. Thank You, Lord for the provision, guidance, and love. ;") I am sorry for everything I've done wrong; may You forgive me and wash away all the filthy elements of my heart. May You take care of my family, always.

Now that almost everyone has started schooling again, I know very well that all the other fellas from the Faction have their own businesses again; we have separated paths again. Lord, please guide them all.

For our "Ate", Debbs.. She's the farthest one from all of us and I pray that You always make her realize that aside from her immediate family, we, Skwaters, really really love her so much, and that You love her just as much too. ;) The moment she flew to Canada all of us have already known then that DISTANCE is an obstacle we're facing. She is a very strong girl, but we know You'll even make her stronger; and when things around her over there get a bit complicated, make her realize that there are just some basic things she needs to do, and that is to pray to You, and to reach out to US, SKWATERS. Because the formula "God + Skwaters" will be her most recommended medicine throughout her journey. ;")

For Mimi, the carefree, and easygoing girl of the group.. She's just been recently harrassed by their professor, no no. Not like the prof.violated her, but she just got a bit much tortured by all the quizzes, seatworks, and homeworks given to their class. Lord, kindly take away all the stress she's going through and replenish her energy each time. And also, I pray that You watch over Mimi especially when she can't control herself sometimes. When she's in a new environment (new classroom for example) and she sees a bunch of cute and hot guys, guard her eyes and control her tongue carefully so that she won't even bother ambushing the boys that she's attracted to. Hehe ;") Make her an even much more obedient daughter and make her love her awesome mother even more. ;") She's already tough, mold her even better and always prepare her for daily challenges.ü

For Joyce, the middle-child of the group, the brainiest one, and the "guidance counselor" of Skwaters (lol)..May You tell her to stay that way, and never change. If she shall change then she shall change only for the better ;") She's a dorm-girl, and please give her patience when she nearly loses it to her annoying dormmates at times. Give her more brains, and lend her more creativity that she will use for whatever craft it is that she's trying to develop. Make her stand-out in their class often..hehe! ;") I pray that she stays a good daughter and sister in her family. She is a very hard-working (i think all of us are) and persistent person. Keep her strong until that time comes when all her efforts pay off. Lastly, please take good care of Nakajima Yuto for the sake of Joyce's anxiety and uneasiness. Hehe.

Last but not the least, dear God, always be with my bestfriend, my bestbud, Tsebb. I think among all the other folks, he has the most hectic and demanding college schedule. So I hope that You will keep him strong, patient, tolerant, understanding, and uncomplaining with all the difficulties he encounters. In school, always give him enough strength and knowledge that he may be able to do each activity, get high grades, and on his way home please keep him from the forces of evil that lurk just about everywhere. When he finally gets home, give him the needs to fulfill his duties and responsibilities as a good son in the family. And when things in his home sometimes go wrong, may the goodness in his heart still prevail that he may just try to understand his parents or brothers instead of complaining about them. And I also pray that You give him an ever-enduring strength and love that will be enough to maintain a good and healthy relationship with the love of his life ;) They're situation being a long-distance relationship is one big of a deal, so if they face problems dear Lord, please make Jeorge more patient and tell him that he is NOT, he was NOT, and he NEVER will be a quitter. Make him realize about all the beautiful plans You have for him ;)

And Lord, to sum up everything I've prayed...I just wanted and needed You to always keep 'em safe, and never let anything harm my most awesome folks. Now that we'll be away from one another again, we are sure gonna be rarely seeing one another and it's gonna be a little hard for us to take some short time and check out what's going on with the other... So please, keep the folks safe. And may they always entrust everything they do to You. Thank You, Lord.

In Jesus' Name I Pray, Amen.

Like Half of Me Just Died...

No more dramatically-mystifying intro's or whatever, straight to the point. I'm sad, mad, in pain, tearful, cryin' my eyes and heart out all because my precious computer got infected by a virus, and the most regretful part of it is that ALL OF THE FILES HAVE BEEN DELETED. *snaps* just like that. ;"(



Since yesterday, my computer was actin' up. It perplexed me, but I didn't have a clue that yesterday was possibly the last day I'd be able to see ALL, as in ALL OF MY FILES...MY PRECIOUS FILES T.T I didn't even think it was some kind of virus infecting it. I just thought that, you know what i mean folks? Like maybe, my PC yesterday was just being kinda "human" and that it was just under the weather, that it would soon be back to its normal state if I gave it some rest perhaps?? I told my dad about my pc "acting up", and he decided to buy a new memory for it and we did. When we got home today from the mall, we immediately worked on it..fixed it. We opened the CPU and fixed everything inside it that should be fixed. We set it back up and tried to see if it'd boot properly, but it didn't. We had done it a couple of times, and yeah...same results. It ain't gettin' any better. He suggested I sorta renew its operating system, and even reminded me that there's nothin' I should worry about the files 'cause they'd be retrieved, he said; 'cause later on before he would install a new OS in it he backed the files up, yes..like he made back-up for all the files and would store them back after the OS is done installing. After all, I didn't really worry much about the PC itself, but the files I had in it. All I wanted was.. to save my files...my precious files... *tear rolls down my cheek*

Then, OS was renewed. Wow.. new theme, new whatever. The new "whatever" looks cool and happy, I should be happy about that. My computer looks fresh like it just had a makeover or somethin'! But...wait, uhm...my files? By this time we had stored it back here already..we knew we just did...or so we thought. We went on to check my computer's drive...

AND THE MOMENT I HAVE DREADED THE MOST JUST HAPPENED. My files were like... gone with the wind. T__T

WHAT THE FUDGE?! How come? How in the world did this..?!!! What the fudge is going on?! The thing is, we didn't know that during the time that we backed the old drive up, the files were already eaten by the virus!!! We didn't know they were already gone when we made a back up for 'em!!! T__T That's when I and he realized that maybe the renewing of OS had absolutely nothin' to do with the disappearance of all my files, maybe it's exactly what the virus did. Curse that virus. I am.... the loneliest ;"(

MY FILES!!! MY FILES!!! MY DARN FILES FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!!!! I have been taking care of all those precious files!!! The old photos, the videos, everything!!! I've spent my life saving memories, and immortalizing those special moments through saving them all in my computer!!! And this day, this day it took all of them away from me?! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! All those photos, especially the videos, most especially the videos I made with my bestfriends, Skwaters Faction!!! THEY'RE MY STRONGEST MOTIVATION IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE! I had never imagined a day not being able to access these most important files! THIS HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE I NEVER IMAGINED. Some of you might say I'm exaggerated or somethin', but yeah you could say that I think? But no! You guys just don't understand. These files... they're just... they're not just plain files ya know?! They're so much more than that, they had that value and I just truly cherished and took care of them! I've always said that I've almost put half of my life in my computer! And now I just can't believe that I won't be able to see every single one of them no more. I can't believe that there will never be any possibility for me to save my files.. 'cause they're gone, and my father could repeatedly tell me "GANIYAN TALAGA ANG COMPUTER, ANAK." Can't believe this, I truly don't.

Like half of me just died...like, if you deleted these files, it would be the same as you piercing through my heart. ;( I'm almost inconsolable.

Did anyone see the rainwater drippin' from our ceiling?

When I tweeted this, I was probably at that state where I was still dealing with panic, where I was quite frantic because I actually thought "chaos just arrived on the scene". Right after I tweeted that, all I wanted was to get rid of the sudden tension that I just encountered tonight. Thank goodness it's all done. I'm finally refreshed, and my mind is relaxed.

But boy, it happened just a few minutes ago, it's still registered in my mind. It's quite a chaos, but not too drastic, like you know what I mean folks?

Like what I tweeted, it's a cold and rainy night. Ofcourse, there's no reason for me not to be overjoyed; I wonder how many times I've already said it in this blogpage that I truly love RAIN, and I just really have that unfathomable fondness for rain. Yes, I did say that here. A couple of times already, in fact. (Just go check out my other previous blogs, see what I mean LOL)...

I turned my computer on, and my younger bro raced upstairs and then into my room, panicking! He asked me if I knew where exactly our huge pails and rags were stored, and upon hearing his question I think I already figured what was going on downstairs. We ran downstairs and into the living and dining area...and I think HALF of the whole flooring was actually freakin' wet! Now there's gotta be a hole or crack that rainwater could pass through...so where's it comin' from... I could hardly think 'cause I was being given a nerve-racking situation already, I mean just by seeing almost the entire floor being wet, I was already unnerved! Then I saw water drippin' right from the ceiling, onto the floortiles.. IT'S A LEAK! A FREAKIN' LEAK DUDE NOW C'MON! I immediately ran for the rags and started swabbing our floor, but it was a bit hard and I figured a floor mop would do better. My mother had also become aware and went downstairs and helped us, and we had to wake our helper too so she could help us fix everything. My father was busy preparing to go to work, and when he was done my bro and I had to take care of his leaving --you know, like we have to open the gate while he drives the car and close it when he's already gone and then we'll lock up the house and all that stuff. And yeah, it was raining hard..but here's like the catch: our garage didn't have a roof to shelter it from a bad hot or cold weather. Great. Just great. We have to go outside and open the freakin' gate...AND THE STORM IS FREAKIN' RAGING OUTSIDE! We went outside with umbrellas, which we had to have a real tight grip on 'cause the wind was blowing too strong and was blowing them away from our hands, almost! We opened the gate, and ofcourse it ain't like we'd close it immediately right after we opened it. We had to wait a little 'till my father goes away already right? So we stood there a couple more minutes and waited till father drove away. And to tell you folks the truth, the umbrellas almost served no purpose because even though we used it to shield us, rain still got us entirely wet! It's no use. I went back inside to get the padlock for our gate, and left my umbrella outside..and I wasn't aware that I left it open. Once we locked everything up, mom told us to get back inside with the umbrellas. But when I looked for the umbrella, I couldn't freakin' find it. What the fudge? I just left it here! Then I started to think that I could've probably left it open and the strong wind blew it away. Panicking, I started looking for it and spotted it over there!!! Right at the end of our garage, close to our gate! I ran and grabbed it, tried to hurriedly get inside. I was running, about to enter the house, but my bro failed to hold the door open for me because of the extremely strong wind, and just as I was on the doorstep the freakin' door powerfully shut, crushing my left hand, having my fingers pinched in the freakin' door!!! Aww!!!

INSIDE THE HOUSE. A lot secured, but I was fully wet with rainwater. And I mean, SOAKING WET. I took a towel and wrapped it around me, drying myself up. I looked at my freshly-wounded hand, the door had peeled off a very small portion of skin from my forefinger, and it was profusely bleeding. It truly isn't a huge wound, it's just really really really a tiny one but the pain is quite terrible I would say. *Sigh* They had already taken care of the leak, placing a few pails and rags on the "most-dropped-on-spots". Thank goodness. And I knew at that point that all I wanted and needed was a quick hot shower, to revitalize myself.

It was like a small chaos. But oddly, I still love rain for it. I think it's still quite a lot of fun..despite the slight carnage I went through tonight. Haha! ;")

Endangered

Now I wanna know why it's so hard to find friends who are as true, as faithful, as loyal, and as loving as these folks. A solid group like this is just very rare on Earth. Skwaters Faction has that "bond" that's just indestructible. Our love for each other is truly eternal.

Born With An Ever-Fluffy Heart

No more time to be spent wondering why I can't easily get mad on certain people..no more time to be spent wondering how I'm always able to hold back whatever element it is that will cause anger inside me. One of those questions too was how I could always find a way to understand other people while some couldn't stand it any longer. They hurt me, often times unintentionally, they don't know, they've got no idea at all that they're wounding my heart sometimes, and I just keep it to myself. Like I don't have the guts to tell them that I sometimes feel offended about what they do. I always think twice, and I'll later realize that maybe it's just like this and like that; I always come to analyze situations and eventually understand that maybe there is probably a reason behind every wrongdoing that a human does...so, I just keep understanding them. They might have not asked for it yet, but I already have forgiven them. That's crazy. In the end, it's still my love for the most important people in my life that prevails, it's a good thing I know and I don't regret that ofcourse. But you know what I mean? Like sometimes I just wish I could also have the courage, and enough guts to kind of..react against these recurrent situations that drive me real hard. But no, it's always the tenderness inside me that gives me that urge to stay soft. I could look tough on the outside, but there's just so much tenderness inside me.

Guess I was just born with a real fluffy, orange heart. Ain't that sweet?

What Traumatized An Orange Heart - HOMEPAGE

The story behind a girl's fear or what could possibly be called "phobia" towards loving. Find out why she becomes overprotective of her tender heart now.




Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

What Traumatized An Orange Heart - Chapter 7

This chapter is probably the toughest one for me to do. It's just really hard but, I'll just keep in mind that I'm releasing. This is my way of releasing. This story should be ended right quick.

"Hurry up Brian!" I woke up to the voice of Brian's mom. I could hardly open my eyes, but I was sure that I did see it was like past eleven in the morning already, as what the alarm clock was tellin' me. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I saw Brian who just got up. He was very sleepy but he couldn't oversleep because of his mom. After he used the bathroom, he slowly walked and lazily opened the door and went down.

"Briaaaan!!!" We heard her once more.

"Comin'...." Brian dozily responded.

I wonder what could be happening downstairs. I wanted to get back to sleep, but I just couldn't. It's like my 'momentum to sleep' had already been broken by Brian's mom's voice...HAHA. I decided to follow them downstairs and go check out what was going on there.

That day, I was feeling... just normal at all, and somehow elated because of Brian's presence. I was happy and didn't expect anything appalling would take place. GOOD VIBES. All I knew was that it was just another awesome and sweet day to be spent with my 'darling'...

I got out of the bathroom and went towards the door. As I was approaching the staircase, it was silent at all. Then I thought I just heard like a bowl or plate or somethin' being placed on the glass table.

"That looks yummy!" I heard Brian's mom exclaim. They must be in the kitchen. I slowly walked downstairs and immediately turned left, which led the direction to their kitchen.

"I can't help but say it really looks yummy!" She exclaimed once more. I love how Brian's mom could be so easily amazed. She's super cute. Maybe she bought something again from our favorite bake shop.

"Thank you, I worked hard to perfect it!" ----I heard a strange, high-pitched voice. HUH?! Since when did Brian sound so girlish? That was strange. I got curious. I continued walking slowly till I got closer. It only had a doorframe that would lead to their kitchen, and I just cluelessly stood there...and didn't believe what I saw.

What's this? Oh Brian's mom is slicing somethin...is that a cake?

Brian's right in front of me, but his back is turned. But wait...whose arms are those wrappin' around his waist? They look so feminine, and the hands look nice. Wait.. IS THAT A GIRL HUGGING BRIAN?

Who's that? Holy cow she kissed him! Brian is just standing still? But who's the girl?!!! I can hardly see her because Brian's blocking the view. But, the figure..her figure! That's just.. familiar. She goes to help his mom with the cake. FUDGE. I think I know.

IT'S HER. She's had her hair cut too short.

I remained silent till Brian's mom recognized my presence.

"Oh hi there, Ash! C'mon and grab a bite of this delish angel food cake!" She happily greeted. I saw the other look up from her slicing, and she looked at me. Brian was... I didn't know. He just stood still. I didn't react.

"By the way, this is Amanda.. Amanda, that's Ashley, my lovely niece." She introduced the both of us to each other.

"Yeah we already know each other, right girl?" Amanda responded. OH DEAR GROUND, PLEASE EAT ME NOW.

"Ye--yeah...." I forced a smile. Brian was still motionless. What's he feeling? Everything started to make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. It was uneasy.

"Really? That's great. 'Cause every relative from our clan should really meet my son's girlfriend!" Brian's mom cheered and laughed heartily as she went back to slicing the cake.

Girlfriend. So that's it? Right. They got back together. So much crap, I would say. Why had you lied, Brian?

Brian gradually turned to face me. Did he hear me question him? Fudge. He looked extremely anxious, thought he practically paled out.

You're making things even harder. I think the pain had just started getting into me.

His face had the uneasy look on it. I could've sworn he felt shamefaced and guilty about what I knew he did. I knew Brian wanted to say something, but I ignored it. Don't explain, Brian. Just don't. I can't bear to see that look on your face, and that girl. I sure won't bear to even hear you say something about it. Stop it right there. I already heard everything. Now I know.

WITHOUT A WORD, I LEFT. Without hearing out Brian, without questioning and saying anything to him... I LEFT.

I ran fast, speeding down the streets and didn't realize that the dark and thick clouds had eaten the blue skies. I wasn't aware about the weather, and in no time, the rain had poured heavily. I didn't care though. Little by little, I felt tired from all the running and my fast pace turned slow...I was walking in the rain now. Without an umbrella, without a raincoat, without any waterproof gear...I just walked in the rain. I didn't need the gears, I needed rain to join me in my unhappiness. I stopped by a huge oak tree and sat under it, hugging my knees to my chest, still wet with the cold yet sympathizing rain. Then pain was really swallowing me at this point. I was crying so hard. My tears mixed with the rainwater.

You lied, Brian. It wasn't after all the only thing that hurt me. But the fact that he was with another girl, especially that it was Amanda, just truly doubled up the pain.

At that point, I just begged the rain to wash all the pain away. The pain felt like it was cutting me in two.

Thoughts came in..they made me writhe in pain.

Everytime I think of Brian, I realize the truth about a miracle that can never happen. I love him, but it just isn't right.

This pain is something I would carry maybe all the days of my life. It has brought me fear to open my heart up again to someone. I still look forward to the day that I'll get through it though. But for now, I'm just traumatized. I'm tremendously afraid.

There are some stories in the world better off not having a happy ending...I guess this is one of them.


PREVIOUS

What Traumatized An Orange Heart - Chapter 6

"I can't believe you still have this!" I exclaimed referring to the photo of us when we were little kids. The photo was taken when I was 4 and he was 8, we were at the beach with the whole clan. I was in my Hello Kitty bathing suit, toothlessly smiling while Brian had his mouth open like he was gonna bite me and secretly did a peace sign making 2 horns on my head. Very adorable. We were rummaging his cabinet and into his boxes filled with old stuff.

"Ofcourse! It's an oldie-but-goodie stuff." He smiled. I continued diggin' up the box on the ground as I lay flat on my stomach on the bed. Brian just indian-sat beside me on the bed and watched me. I just searched and searched for stuffs, and I'd laugh each time I picked somethin' that reminded me of a really funny memory. I picked a lot, including his and Seth's friendship beanie, the first ever robot toy I gave him as a birthday gift *grinning*, a stuffed bear, a wallet, bunch of bling-bling accessories he used before, and more. I continued unearthing the box of old stuff 'til my hands had a grab of this small notebook. I stared blankly at it, trying to remember what was exactly that object. Then I felt like a light bulb flashed in my head and suddenly remembered what it was: It was the "promising notebook". Brian and I called it "promising" just because there's none other than what seemed like a thousand promises written in it. HAHA! I grinned wide. We made it I think about just a year ago. I listed promises that I'd forever keep, for him and for myself, and he listed promises that he'd forever keep, for me and for himself. These are those promises that we better not break. WE BETTER NOT, REALLY.

Grinning at it in my hands, Brian out of the blue, spoke.

"Wow, I didn't know it was in there."

"I'm glad it's still here." I replied and opened the notebook.

"I almost kinda forgot about it till you found it tonight." He chuckled.

"Wow.. we have listed a bunch. They're.. they're uncountable!" I said as I browsed the pages.

"Yep, they're limitless. Let's see.." Brian crawled beside me and we examined the "promising notebook" together.

We tested each other. We tried to see which promise listed there was broken, and how many promises were still kept. Minutes passed and we were still doing the same thing. It turned out that neither of us had broken any. But there was just a bunch of things listed there for us to be so sure that no promise was actually broken. We kept testing. It was fun.

"Hold on! There's still a whole lot more of promises! Let's check out more!!!!" I exclaimed as I slid my forefinger down each page we browsed, finding a cool thing we listed there. "Here here!!!" I thought I just found a nice one.

Brian looked closer at the notebook and tried to read what it was.

"Promise #143 by Brian: I will never ever fall for the same trick, I will never fall for Amanda again."

This was, among all the promises, the most serious I guess..and one that I'd be extremely glad if Brian forever kept it, truly.

I laughed at it at first. Amanda was Brian's girl for almost a year, but she cheated on him and they broke up. She was his first love, I remember how badly hurt he was, and he bitterly wrote that promise last year. That girl... PSHH. Ain't nothin' but a fraudster! I was so glad they broke up, well you might think it's because I had special feelings for my cousin, and that I was just jealous, but no. Well partly, yeah but Amanda was just too bad..well, Brian was too good for her. Oh well, I was sure then that Brian had totally moved on. So sure, I didn't think he would even mind if I brought up the topic about her.

"Ahahaha would you look at this! I think this is the lamest, and the corniest one you ever wrote here!" I laughed.

Was it just me, or I really saw Brian grimace a bit when I said that?

What's happening to him? I ignored it, and faked a laugh.

"Hey!" I slapped his arm cheerfully. He looked at me in the weirdest way I ever knew, like he wanted to say something. I went nuts.

Fudge. Brian. Have you broken the promise? Don't you ever tell me you just did.

We were both silent. His serious look slowly turned into an amusing face and he broke out laughing. That relieved me a bit.

"You're crazy."

"I know." He said simply.

"So...?" I said quizically.

"So what?" He was confused. I laughed again. "What's so funny?" He just got even more confused.

"Nothing, I just thought you were actually gonna tell me that you broke the promise! Can you believe that?" I laughed hard burrying my face into bed and wiggling both of my feet. "Guess I just think too much, I'm madsick!!!" I continued laughing.

Again. Was it just me, or I kinda heard him sigh frustratingly? There was no other reaction heard from him. I looked back up at him. He was still lying flat on his stomach, both of his hands were closed against each other, with his fingers intertwined, his head bowed down. At that point, I really couldn't read him.

Has he been praying or somethin'? He looks really bothered, but despite that he totally looks adorable. Wish I could be courageous to ask.

"Yo Bri?!" I tapped him gently. He raised his head and looked at me, his eyes were just mysterious that night. They puzzled me, but I knew that if I asked him, he just wouldn't tell me anyway.

Then..he yawned. Okay. So maybe he's just really sleepy. That made me feel better, atleast it gave me hopes that nothin' wrong was going on. He was just sleepy...or so I thought.

"Alright, I'm keeping these. Let's sleep." I said. He just smiled and ruffled my hair. "Heeeyyy!!!" I exclaimed.

*~*~*~*

Before finally shutting our eyes, I wanted to make sure everything was fine.

"Brian?"

"Yeah?" He replied drowsily as he pulled the covers over to his body.

"You really okay?" I finally asked him.

"Yes." He said with a reassuring smile. "Why do you ask?"

"Just making sure!" I smiled back. "But Brian, please. Whenever you feel like you need to tell me something, please please please!!!! Please don't hesitate to tell me, don't make me insist you 'cause it's really hard to convince you!"

He laughed. I wasn't fine with his response.

"Promise me you will!" I insisted and shook him violently.

"I WILL I WILL!!!" He almost shouted. It was funny and cute. It convinced me.

"Ya sure you ain't hiding anything from me?" I cautiously asked him one last time. I wanted to be sure.

He face-palm'd himself and chuckled. "Come here anorexic girl." He opened his arms wide and invited me into a cuddle. I immediately crawled closer to him and wrapped my arm around him, my head resting on his chest. I'm so loving this.

"So what's the answer?" I insisted.

"I am not, and will never hide anythin' okay?" He reassured. I trusted him fully, and dropped the topic finally. I fell asleep in his arms.


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What Traumatized An Orange Heart - Chapter 5

Bedtime. This had got to be my favorite part of spending a whole day, and now a night with my 'darling'. I was sitting on Brian's bed. I just took a shower and I felt refreshed. A random movie was on TV. I couldn't concentrate on it though. Things were running in my head. I had no clue what kind of feeling that was, I knew it had already been quite normal for us to do these kinds of things together, like being in his crib and sleeping in one bed, it'd been normal since we'd done it a couple of times. It should feel normal by that time, but just by my fidgety and uneasy movements, I could tell it didn't feel normal at all, to me atleast. I thought I was quite anxious about it. I now realized that it was already awkward for me to be sharing bed with him already, since my feelings for him had gotten a bit much deeper than before. Everything I felt for Brian was turning into a mere romance, but even though it felt really awkward and that I was quite nervous, I had to say..the fact that we'd be sleeping in one bed again tonight excited me just as much.

My hair immediately dried after a few minutes of blow-drying it. I brushed it. The sappy movie was still on. As I was brushing my hair, the bathroom door flung open and Brian stepped out coolly. He only had a white towel wrapped around his waist and his hand had another towel rubbing his hair dry. Inside, I thought I just went nuts.

What is this? The way I see it now, is as if we're some newlywed celebrating their honeymoon! But dang, what the fudge am I even thinking?

"Ash?" He abruptly said, distracting my thoughts. "You okay? You look at me like I'm crazy." He laughed casually.

I felt tongue-tied. Fudge, why does everything have to feel awkward?!

"Ha-ha..no, you just scared me quite a bit." I said running my right hand to my chest, pretending that he actually scared me.

"Guess that's the effect of watching too much horror." He assumed.

"Yea-...yeah, I guess so!" I said uncertainly, smiling sheepishly.

"Right, now quit it..." he paused, "but you ain't watching somethin' scary anyway?" He declared pointing at the TV which had a pleasant scene: Vast field of green grass, blue skies, a couple chasing each other and all. It didn't look horrifying at all, it definitely wasn't a horror movie at all. Oops.

"Well, I am.."

"That's a romantic movie you're watching!" He laughed.

"No, ye--yess. I mean, I was watching a horror film earlier and it ended while you were in the shower you know, and this sappy love-story movie came in next." I LIED. I regretted the moment that I didn't pay attention to the movie a while ago! But I think I saved myself anyway.

"Oh...is that so.." He implied sarcasm in his tone.

"Yeah! And this is a boring movie, it ain't worth watching!" I looked away and quickly grabbed the remote control to change the channel.

He walked towards his dresser to dress up, his back turned on me. I pretended to watch the sports channel, then I secretly glanced at him. I forgot about the mirror in front of him and Brian caught me looking. Dang! He looked me in the mirror with that silly but lovely grin, and I looked away in embarassment.

"I think you're finding your cousin too hot tonight." He cockily said. Good thing my back was already turned on him this time, it was easier to control or hide my love-struck-reaction to his words.

"What?! KEEP DREAMING!" I tried hard to conceal the obviousness in my voice, and pretended to watch TV again.

But, if truth be told, you're just too gorgeous! I smiled in secret.

"Hahaha! Whatever, anorexic gal!" He laughed and jumped on me in the bed, ruffling my hair and tickling my most vulnerable spot.

I was asking him to stop, but I was enjoying it. Even though I knew it was nothin' more than a cousin-to-cousin or brotherly-sisterly fun to him, I just had to enjoy it. He was also enjoying it. The only difference was that my feelings were deeper...while for him, I was just always that anorexic cousin he had.

*~*~*~*~*~*


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What Traumatized An Orange Heart - Chapter 4

I kinda fell asleep on the couch. I woke up in the evening, and didn't see Brian around. He usually just played PS3 or watched TV. I checked the dining area and he wasn't there. I went to their backyard and I finally spotted him standing by the poolside, his thumbs were rapidly running across his phone's keypad. Before I could call his name from afar, he kinda recognized my presence already and turned around. His perfect figure left me dumbfounded, finding myself staring at him. I shook off the fantasy and regained myself.

"Why are you here?" I immediately questioned, pacing towards him.

"Nothing.." He responded as he put his phone on the recliner. "Just idling away the hours." He smiled.

"Oh yeah? Well as far as I know, this isn't how you usually pass the time."

"Well.... Never mind."

"I won't 'never mind' that. Well what?" I insisted.

He just smiled and looked away. I approached him, and we sat by the pool, dabbling our feet in the water. It was quiet.

"Brian, what's wrong?" I finally asked. My face was filled with concern.

"Nothing, really. Don't worry." He said looking down at the water.

"C'mon, tell me!"

He looked back at me with a serious face, which suddenly turned into a cheerful one. "Nothing you, anorexic girl! HAHA!" He exclaimed ruffling my hair again. I kinda sensed that he just managed to force a laugh though. I felt like he wasn't okay.

"Hey, not the hair please?!" I yelled and fixed my hair.

"Haha. I just had so much fun today, so much that I feel exhausted."

"Yeah? And what else?"

"What else what?"

"What else is bothering you?" I eagerly questioned. I knew he was into some trouble. He never acted that way except when something bothered him.

"Haha. You're being insistent!" He tried to hide it in his laughter.

"All 'cause you won't tell me." I said. I just smelled that something wasn't right.

"Cause I ain't got nothin' to tell ya okay? Now quit it." He said and ruffled my hair again, giggling.

"Heeeeeyyy!!" I exclaimed and splashed the water at him with my feet. Now his shirt was covered with wet spots. He shot me a devilish look and grinned devilishly. I knew what he was thinking. He retaliated and splashed some water at me too.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

He could've done it too, but I was quicker and somewhat stronger so I got to push him into the pool first. Now he was fully wet. I was laughing so hard, I couldn't control it. He grabbed my leg and pulled me into the water with him. Then we splashed water on each other nonstop. The whole splash fight would only seem to end when we both got tired already.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"You suck!" I yelled at him as I got out of the pool.

"What? I suck because I killed you in the pool-wrestling match? HAHA!" He mocked and threw a white towel at me.

"Shut up, you didn't own me you were cheating!" I objected as I patted myself dry with the towel.

"Loser."

"Whatever sucker!"

We walked our way inside, patting ourselves dry. We were both laughing when Brian's mom's voice startled us.

"Hi Honey." She kissed his son. "Hey Ashley." She kissed me. "Next time, try to be much drier so I won't feel like I'm kissing fishes okay?"

We laughed. Brian's mom was truly nice and funny.

"Anyway, Ashley your mom called. She said she couldn't get back home tonight, she'll be having a nightover at the hotel with her officemates. You can spend your night over here."

"Okay, cool. I just wonder why she didn't call me and called you instead..." I thought curiously.

"She said she'd been trying to call you but your phone was unattended." She explained. I started to think.

"Where'd you put your phone by the way?" Brian abruptly asked.

"I'm not sure, I think I left it in the --" I trailed off. I started thinking, and suddenly remembered a couple of things. Certain things suddenly started coming into my mind, one by one: I put the phone in my pocket. That's what I always did. I am entirely wet. Why am I wet? Oh yeah. I dove myself into the pool with Brian........ OH NO.

"Holy Cow!" I said in shock, my hands immediately reached for the pocket of my wet cargo pants, I touched a familiar shape and figure...

"I GOT IT WET!" I shrieked. Realizing that I just got my phone wet, I was so frustrated.

"Oh my!" Brian's mom exclaimed.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Brian laughed at my dumbness.

"Oh no..." I sighed and burried my face in my hands.

"Alright now don't worry about it anymore. We'll have it fixed and we'll call your mom and explain it to her." Brian reassured.

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What Traumatized An Orange Heart - Chapter 3

Moments flied so fast and my chest wasn't hurting no more. We decided to play Smackdown vs. RAW 2011 on PS3. I was using Randy Orton against Batista, used by Seth.

"I'm sorry, buddy. You can't win." I said arrogantly as I performed my signature on him.

"Don't be too cocky, I can counter it." He replied back but he wasn't able to counter the move. I giggled as my signature was perfectly executed.

"AND THIS, IS FOR THROWING THAT BALL TOO HARD AT MY CHEST!!!" I playfully screamed as I gave him an RKO, followed by a pin.

1-2-3!!! Match is over.

Seth just stared blankly and looked back at me worriedly, "I thought you said it was okay?" He sounded startled.

"Hahaha! I did!"

"Look, I'm real sorry alright? I felt bad when I hit you, accidentally."

"It's all good!"

"Then why are you like doing some payback through RKO'ing me?"

"C'mon, don't take that seriously! It's part of the tension in these kinds of matches!" I said and tried to make him feel better.

"Okay, cool. But let's have a rematch!" Seth requested.

"Nah-uhh, I don't want to. I'm tired of beating you over and over again." I said lazily as I put the controller back on the table.

"Just one more match, one last one! I promise to beat you this time." He begged once more.

"NO. I wanna eat." I stressed and leaned back on the couch. Seth gave up. Frustrated, he stood up and walked to the bathroom. I laughed.

Seconds later, Brian came into the living room with some snacks.

"How's your chest?" He asked casually, placing the tray of cinnamon rolls and juice drinks on the tea table.

"It's fine now. The ball bruised it, but I'm feeling better." I replied while rubbing the bruised part.

"Good. But that explains you ain't good at catch no more." He laughed.

"Shut up, I wasn't paying attention at the ball 'cause you were distracting me!" I argued.

"Excuses....." Brian ridiculed and laughed mockingly.

"Whatever." I muttered as I held the bill of my cap from behind, tilting it down to my neck.

For a moment there was silence, and it was then broken when Brian thought of messing around with me again. He took my cap off my head and I struggled trying to get it back from him.

"Hey!" I yelled and stretched my arms out trying to have a grab of it but my arms were too short, and Brian was holding it high above his head, laughing at my epic-fail-moment. He dropped it on the floor and went to ruffle my long black hair with both of his hands. I hated it when someone tried to mess with my hair, but just because this was Brian doing it, I was enjoying it a bit much.

"Brian," Seth's voice stopped us from our little cat-and-mouse-fight.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"I need to go now, they called and told me the whole clan is like comin'. Darn." Seth stated in disappointment.

"Wow, that's just sad." I mumbled as I fixed my ruffled hair back into place.

"Don't I know it. Anyways, I really gotta go now. Bye Bri, bye Ash." He said and gave each of us a low-five. He disappeared.


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What Traumatized An Orange Heart - Chapter 2

"Ashleeeey!!!" Brian's voice called from outside, distracting me away from my thoughts. I shook my head and regained myself.

"Hurry up, Ash!" He called out once more.

I now opened the door and went out. I ran the short pathway in our garden towards the gate and opened it, and saw them on their bikes.

I was acting strange, I just stood there smiling at them without saying anything, secretly examining Brian's stunning appearance. Yes, I was romanticizing about him again, y'all could say that. His blond hair had a perfect glow of gold as the sun shone on it. I could see his beautiful hairstyle again, that curtain hair which is parted in the left side, his averagely long bangs swept to the other side, slightly covering his right eye. The cool and refreshing autumn air blew and it brushed his bangs away from his face, exposing his features more, and now giving me a clearer look of him this time. Was it just me, or his aqua-blue eyes seemed to glitter brightly as they met with my eyes? They were so perfect. He then flashed a smile, I thought I just melted. With the sun, his teeth seemed to shine and the silver stone pierced on his left ear stood out too. I was so lost in his eyes, I barely noticed that he just stood up from his bike and put it on stand for a while. I was unaware that he was approaching me now, as his face seemed to get nearer and nearer.

"Hey, CUZ!" He exclaimed and enveloped me into a bearhug.

Now I think you know by now what the problem is. Heard what he called me? "CUZ"... - short for COUSIN. We're freakin' cousins, dang it.

I didn't understand that feeling but for a moment I kinda felt down as I felt like he kinda emphasized "cuz" right there. For a split-second, I was numb to feel his tight hug. Sad thoughts quickly came in again. But I tried to get rid of them and paid attention to him that time. I hugged back and I was back to being glad again. It felt so relaxing when his arms were around me.

"Hey." I replied softly as we pulled away from the hug.

"Hey, Ash!" Seth greeted casually and I smiled at him.

"That looks familiar!" Brian smiled pointing at the jersey he gave me, which I was wearing.

"It's a little too big!" I laughed.

"Nahh, I think it's just fine. That's what anorexic girls wear so that's okay! Haha!" Brian mocked ang laughed, I softly slapped his chest.

"Hey guys let's go!" Seth jumped in.

Brian got on his bike and signaled me to ride already. I sat on the seat extension behind him, placed my feet on the improvised feet rest of his bike and held on to his shoulders for support, to keep me from falling. We got going and sped down the street and made our way to Brian's house. Yes! I would be entering their big, and mansion-like house again.

In no time, we got there already. It looked just as majestic as it was the last time I was there. We ran to their backyard to play catch. Their backyard was the biggest one I had ever seen so far. It had a vast field of olive green grass, a pool, and a fairly big basketball court. The three of us had spent each time playing catch there, and that was another fun day to spend.

We positioned ourselves in a triangle-form on the grassfield. I threw the tennis ball to Seth and he caught it. He threw it back and I caught it.

"Hey Bri! Take this!" I challenged Brian playfully and threw the ball fairly hard but he was too good and caught it perfectly.

"Ha! What do you think about that?! Beat that anorexic girl!" He mocked back and threw the ball back at me and I caught it, my hands fully clasped around the ball onto my stomach. We just remained mocking and challenging each other like idiots, throwing the ball back and forth, when he suddenly had this idea of 'playing games with' me.

"Here, Seth!" Brian tossed the ball over Seth. Seth caught it, and smiled, kind of figuring out what Brian wanted to do. He threw it back and Brian caught it. They both looked at me with devilish grins on their faces, and Brian threw the ball to Seth, he caught it and threw back at Brian, they threw and caught it back and forth at each other, purposely not letting me play anymore.

"YOU'RE NO FAIR, GIVE ME THE BALL!" I shouted at them and stomped my feet a bit furiously.

"HAHAHA! We won't!" Brian laughed as they continued playing. Seth stuck his tongue out to me.

"Brian! Throw it over here, c'mon now!" I yelled at Brian. He didn't listen and went on to tease me some more, I was starting to get mad but I was also, somehow enjoying it. He tossed it back at Seth.

"Hahaha! Baby girl!" Brian laughed.

"I'm not a baby!" I replied.

We were exchanging mocking words with each other, making fun of each other and all, and I didn't notice that Seth was finally pitching the ball to me. I hadn't paid attention.

"Hey Ashley take this!!!!!" Seth had shouted and he threw the ball too hard. I was too late to notice. When I looked towards Seth's direction the ball had flied already and it was now only a few inches away from where I was standing, I wasn't capable of making any move no more and before I could react, the ball had powerfully bounced against my chest. I grabbed my chest and screamed in pain. The ball wasn't heavy at all to make you fall or something, but the impact was just really brutal that I had to fall down on my knees while handling the pain.

"Ashley!" I heard Brian scream and even though my eyes were closed in pain I could sense they were running towards me. As they approached I heard him scolding Seth for something like being careless about the ball that it had to hurt me and stuff.

"I'm so sorry!" Seth anxiously said. I could hardly look at him because of the pain, but I did see him with his hands on his head, he must be feeling bad that he had hurt me even though it was unintentional.

"No--no, it's--o--ka--ayy" I replied between stutters, the pain was really bad I felt like I ate my words each time I tried to speak.

"C'mon.." Brian helped me get up, my left hand extended to him as he held it while my other hand still clutched my chest, I was still kneeling down.

The ball was like on fire when it had hit me, and it almost shot through my heart. But just with Brian there being so concerned and helping me, I could just forget about the pain.

"I think we should stop right there. Let's go inside for a while." Brian said. We went inside, my arm linked to Brian's arm as we walked, Seth was behind us.

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What Traumatized An Orange Heart - Chapter 1

Without delay, I shut my computer down and walked to my dresser to change. I'd be seeing Brian again today, I was so excited. I put on my baseball cap backwards and took one piece of my favorite mint gum into my mouth. I wore his jersey shirt; among all the pieces of clothing I had, this, by far, was my favorite especially because he gave it to me. Now you won't wonder why it hung loose on me. My phone suddenly rang and I answered it. It was Brian.

"Hey, we're in front of your gate. Come on down already!" He sounded just as excited on the other line. I laughed. I was more excited. He had no idea I was that glad to be seeing him again.

"Coming!" The quick call ended. I put my phone in the pocket of my knee-length cargo pants and hurriedly raced down the staircase. I secretly peeked outside through the window before going out completely, and there he was with his bestfriend, Seth. They had brought their mountain bikes, awesome! This only meant that I would be hitching a ride with Brian on his bicycle again, great! Brian's mountain bike had like a seat extension behind the main seat of it, I'd be at his back...great. I silently giggled to myself. There I went again, rejoicing into my silly puppy love imagination. I was smiling like a fool, just standing by the door and peeking through the window. All of a sudden my smile was gone and it was slowly replaced with a frown. Something came into my mind. Right; it was 'this thing' that was bugging my mind again! Great. I swiftly remembered my friends. Well not them exactly, but the little things they had said to me. They sort of warned me. I recalled...

FLASHBACK. *2 weeks ago*

"What?!"

"No way!"

"Ashley, you've got to be kidding!"

Erin, Chloe, and Leslie, all three of them reacted violently. I just told them I have gotten some crush on Brian. Their words surprised me.

"Haha! What?! It's just a crush!" I laughed uncertainly at them.

"Ashley, you know that can't be right! Especially not when it even turns deeper than a crush." Leslie said seriously.

"Yeah, c'mon Ash! That's just NOT normal!" Erin added, her face still in shock.

"And how could it be, AB-normal?! HAVING CRUSHES IS NORMAL!!! It's like every teenager's little thing nowadays! If you think that me being 13 and him being 17 is a big deal, please! Just quit it." I protested.

"Ashley..." Chloe grabbed me by my shoulders so that I'd be facing her, and continued "You know completely what the problem is." My eyes narrowed, their words confused me.

"Why are you all acting like you're against my personal interests?!" I irritably questioned them, not understanding them.

"Ash, we don't wanna hurt you but you know something isn't right with you liking Brian. It's not just about the age thing you know.." Chloe replied seriously, her hands still on my shoulders.

"Yeah, we don't like hurting your feelings but you just have to understand, Ash... We know you know exactly why you two can't be together." Erin told me caringly. She was slowly hurting me with the words she just said but I tried to ignore it. They were so much trying to emphasize that something was wrong with me liking Brian. I didn't seem to understand, although I quite had a clue about what they were talking about.

"Not like we're discouraging you about it but, can't you see that, Ashley?" Leslie added.

This time I got really mad. Why couldn't they just be supportive friends?

"Stop it, you guys!" I shouted and shook Chloe's hands off of my shoulders. "I like Brian, what's so wrong about that?! You girls have been always telling me about a bunch of people that you like, and did you ever hear me object about them?! NO! I've always been okay with each of the guys you like! So why can't you all be okay with the idea? I like him and I don't understand why all of you are disapproving this!" I expressed angrily, my voice almost sounded like I was in tears.

"Ashley!" Both Erin and Leslie yelled at me. There was silence.

"You know the situation between you and Brian is just NOT normal at all. You can't like him, you shouldn't. He can't and shouldn't like you back as well." Chloe emphasized, I could see she was trying so hard to get her words right in my head immediately. But I just wouldn't listen at the time.

"Ashley, please. It can't be... you and him." Erin tried hard to make me understand.

"Know what, Ash, whatever that thing you've got for him is, it's gotta stop. Before things get out of control." Leslie said, her eyes were full of concern.

At that point they had really hurt me, although I knew they just really cared for me. I pretended I didn't understand them and that I wouldn't listen to them no matter what they said, but inside I was crying, realizing that they did have a point and everything they said was just... too true. Truth hurts. I knew what exactly the problem was, and I hate the fact that among all the other guys I've known, it had to be Brian that I like.

END OF FLASHBACK.


Now at this point, you might all be wondering why everyone believed that it was wrong for me to like him and all. You might not know the problem yet for now. But what you know now is that I'm just in pain for thinking about that problem nonstop... that problem...which all of you would figure out a little later as you continue reading this story...


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